My daily struggle

I am in the process of expanding the services in my clinic and find myself getting hassled by the inevitable operational details and delays. And, then get even more stressed about the fact that I am getting hassled. I mean, I am supposed to be in control…..all the time. My usual response to things not going according to (my) plan is to get worked up, angry and tense. I also tend to express that in a fit of anger.

I was raised by a super mom; she was one of the top most cytologists in Asia. She was also part of a large extended family which made demands on her time. And she was married to a busy paediatrician …and she raised two difficult-to-raise daughters….She did all this well and was highly respected within her family and work circles. She also died young due to fatigue (that is my theory……though the medical interpretation was ARDS)

I am trying really hard to emulate her work ethics and to a large extent it comes easily to me. What I struggle with is the balancing act…..juggling my work and personal life.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to excel in both these areas. I get worked up if I am unable to put out a good meal every day (though I manage to do just the opposite for a few meals every week!!) I also get very upset and lose my sleep if a client deadline is not met.

I am a Type A and have a tendency to be obsessive about cleanliness and order…. Wow…and, hold on …. My husband is also quite particular about things around him…..Double Wow….

I am trying to change everyday…trying to let go of things at work and at home. I tell myself to relax…It is ok if I am late for a client appointment by 10 mins due to traffic. I will apologize and move on. If my cook does not turn up for the evening dinner I now, make a one pot meal and enjoy it.

I see a lot of clients in my counseling practice with similar issues of daily stress. Quite a lot of them are Type As. Some have clarity about their maladaptive responses but a majority of them spend their days getting worked up about small and petty issues. The sad part is that they are not aware of how their reactions are affecting them and their loved ones. I have always felt that awareness is the key to changing. Having said that, there needs to be finite time between realization and responsive action. You don’t want to be aware and make a change only after having a heart attack. I am not exaggerating.

Such maladaptive responses, over a period of time can put a lot of pressure on your heart. When we get stressed the blood pressure, heart rate rises and it usually takes anything between 15 mins to an hour for the heart and you to calm down. The heart goes through multiple such ups and downs in a day much like a car that is driven at a lower gear and high speed over an extended period of time. Fatigue and heart failure can set in at a relatively earlier age in Type A people. The heart gives up one day…

I always take twenty seconds when I sense that something is upsetting me. I try and cut thru my emotions (predominantly anger) and go to the trigger. Then I ask myself about the long term impact of the trigger. Usually I find that there isn’t any. It is a smooth ride after that and it is easy to let go of the offensive emotion. I will be the first to admit that it is easier said than done. It is daily struggle but totally worth it.

The smile on my son's face when I do not react to the dirty hand smudges on the wall is worth all the trouble. Also, I want to live, not die of fatigue....like my mom.