Thoughts

I am a mom of a seven year old but this is not a tale of outpourings about the joy of motherhood. I want to tell about the general capacity of a young child for mature thought and action. But first I will have to explain the experiences behind this revelation….well; it is a tale of a proud mother (among other things!)

One day, all of a sudden, my mom got hospitalized for Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. I flew down the very next day to be with her and my Dad. She was hooked to a ventilator but she seemed stable. Within a week, however she developed complications and went into multi organ failure.

My husband and my son flew down to support me. For Viren, (my kid, then a six yr old) it was a holiday. He got to meet his cousins, paternal grandparents and the extended family in general (my husband’s family stays in the same city). His little brain was yet to fathom the gravity of the situation. He went back in a few days with his dad, a little sad because I wasn’t with him. I and his dad decided to tell him the truth that Aaji was very sick and had to be taken care of…and that I had to stay back to do that. He understood very easily, gave me a hug, asked me to take care of Aaji and left with a smile.

My mom continued to go through her ups and downs and so did our emotions. She would be very alert and coherent one day and very delirious the next…..my dad was quiet through all this. As a doctor he probably knew and dreaded the outcome…..we had the best medical and nursing care…our entire family rallied around us…...but hope was soon a precious commodity.

My son and husband would fly down each weekend and go back home to school and work every Monday. Towards the end of three weeks, Viren called and asked when I would be back? This was the longest he had stayed away from me. (I had left him with his Dad for a max of 6 days when I went to a medical conference) It just tore my heart to hear the longing in his voice. I kept my emotions to myself and tried to explain the situation to him. He cut me short and said that he understood completely. He could hold on till the coming weekend (it was 3 days away) and could I come and see him for a few days and then go back to take care of Aaji. No crying, no tantrum, no emotional blackmail.

I went home that weekend and stayed for 7 days trying to spend time with him while dealing with my feelings of having abandoned my mom and dad. My son dealt with my emotions by being with me all the time. He would hug me, hold me and distract me with stories from school. He became a parent for me.

I went back and 9 days later my mom passed away. My husband decided to take my dad back with us. I was of course relieved and grateful for his thoughtfulness. What I did not anticipate was Viren’s reaction. Once back home, he pussy footed around all of us. He cried when we did but kept his fears and insecurities to himself. He became the parent for me. He would be around every time I felt low. I was like a zombie on auto pilot, just getting through the work and chores each day. He felt my pain and was the first one to see the tears pricking my eyes. He would hug me and say, “Mumma, I am here for you. Don’t cry. Aaji is with us”. And he would point at a star to denote her altered existence.

Life went on. A year later, I felt myself again. My husband, too, seemed more his self. Dad looked like he was healing.

But that was not true of Viren. In that year, he had grown up, too soon. He saw death, he dealt with his mom not being around, and he handled the uncertainties of daily life…..something a six yr old should have been able to take for granted. He became my security guard. He would take up for me if he even so much felt a negative vibe directed at me. All the while he dealt with his fear of parental mortality.

We realized that we had to make up for lost time. We wanted him to go back to being our six yr old son. We started having chats about mortality, death and the journey of souls. He started verbalizing his fears. He was afraid of being alone if both of us (parents) passed away. And during these chats, he started becoming the same young child that we remembered and missed….

I no longer worry about his tantrums and stubbornness (yes, it is back and thank God for it). I have seen the potential for maturity and I know he is on the right path.