A friend came to me one day- “There is talk in the house that we might relocate to another country if my partner is offered a certain lucrative position.” Hmmmm….this is the inevitable dilemma that is posed before most of us living in today’s world. “Fundamentally, I am supportive of his career and have nothing against taking up this opportunity that allows him to surge ahead”, she said.
But that was not the problem.
“It would be great for the kids to live a life different from the one lived so far. All of us will get a different perspective to life.” Well, no arguments there, I thought
A novel experience, if only, one chooses to see it that way. Making a fresh start is something a lot of people look forward to. But she continued to be skeptical of it.
Supporting a partner’s career during such a time can involve giving up yours (due to other non negotiable family commitments such as young kids). Having built up a career and a decent professional reputation from scratch, you might find yourself not being overly enthusiastic about this potential development. Many a past history of many a woman shows innumerable missed opportunities and choices made for the family. Many are emotional decisions that come to haunt them later.
It is only recently that, I have personally, let go of the consequential resentment associated with similar life choices. I, now, choose to look at them as decisions made by me instead of enforced and obligatory choices.
The commonality underlying such predicament is the Love vs. Respect choice. If one goes for the supportive partner option, the access to acceptance, love and adoration is infinite. The opposite preference might not make you an instant hit but guarantees admiration and respect for standing up for one’s beliefs and needs. The former alternative is easier to make but following it through is a hard walk. The latter poses problems at first but will let you sleep peacefully fulfilled at night.
But, isn’t that too simplistic an explanation? Agreeing to a decision with altruistic components is fine as long as you do not go into the victim or martyr mode. On the other hand, dancing to your own tune might be a lonely walk with guilt as the only companion.
Will my friend be lucky this time? Will she be free to take a call without any resulting bitterness or remorse? I doubt it……
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